Comment on Mourning

December 19, 2011

Some spiritual teachers and advisors, understanding that no one actually ever dies, will espouse that any mourning should not occur when a loved one dies.

Although, I understand where they are coming from in the greater philosophical sense that no one ever truly dies, they just lose their physical body. Who they are, their soul and spirit continue on.

I get this. I do.

However to purport that someone shouldn’t feel the loss or mourn is ridiculous.

In our physical existence, there is a loss. And we, living in the physical realm feel this. And sometimes, we feel it immensely.

There is also an emotional withdrawal as well. This is mostly because we are only accustomed to placing the heaviest weight of reality on the physical. Now, the relationship is altered. We only have to transform our end, to access the relationship again. This is an opportunity for us to grow and develop our inner world.

So, the feelings of loss are real, pet or person, because the loved one has left the physical environment. However, if you look back on it, you can easily see that the relationship mainly occurred in the non-physical, in the realms of the heart, the emotions, the spirit, no?

Though, it is the physical is where we mostly put our conscious focus. Even though the other realms exist, just as equally as strong, we are not as attuned to them. If we can open up to this, it can help lead us to exploring developing our inner relationship with our loved one to a stronger and more real and conscious relationship with them.

Honoring Ceremonies are here to help us with that. They provide a bridge to helping us connect with our eternal relationship with our loved ones.


December 4, 2011

My 12-year-old black lab and companion, Kelsey, had recently passed. I was trying to distract myself with work in the office. Mattie, my 1-year-old lab, somehow conveyed to me that she was missing Kelsey. I stopped what I was doing and took some time to be with her.

I hugged her in consoling efforts…maybe I was projecting. I don’t know. I tried to convey to Mattie that I missed Kelsey too but, that she was still here in spirit and that she loved us.  I started to cry.

I sat there for a while with her, hugging Mattie, missing my girl, Kelsey.

Then at some point I took a deep breath and I turned back to my work.

There on my pants leg was a ladybug that was not there moments before. I greeted the Ladybug with a ‘Hello’. The ladybug proceeded to crawl on my hand. She crawled and crawled and crawled. I tried to keep it on my hand to take it outside, as I do with most insects.

This was a particularly cute ladybug and I went outside and sat with it for a moment to get some comfort in my sadness. I am always looking to connect with an insect. I was missing Kelsey. I was remembering the black butterfly encounters, happy for them but wishing there had been more.

The ladybug kept crawling and would occasionally fly down to other fingers on my hand and crawl back up them…. crawl back down…fly back…crawl down…. fly back up. She did not fly away. She was very affectionate. She flew on my shirt and crawled up it, then back on my hand.

She was playful in way that I knew intimately. I thought in a brief moment of my sadness, wouldn’t be nice if she sat over my heart. No sooner did the thoughts float out of my head, that the ladybug did just that. She sat there several minutes facing me, sitting still on my chest….just as I had wished.

And then I knew.

I knew like I knew I was breathing.

It was my girl.  It was my Kelsey.

We had a nice visit and I wept. I was painfully thankful.

She said ‘I came like this because you used to call me ‘Ladybug’.

I wept hard, and even harder still, but in a happy, deep, thankful way. A way that stretched my depth of understanding, love and connection.

I love her and her gentle, sweet, tender, playful influence and guidance in my life.

Summer 2005